How to be comfortable with being uncomfortable
Learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable made a huge difference in my life. As far as “pain,” there isn’t a single moment in my life when my body doesn’t hurt to some degree. Not a single movement, ever! I have multiple, incurable medical conditions that guarantee this will always be unless there are major advances in health science.
The difference between pain and suffering for me is that I have trained myself to neither ignore nor become consumed with this feedback.
As far as the old saying, “it is what it is,” goes, this could be true at any given moment, but we do not have to remain stuck this way. I told my best friend the other day that this saying is incomplete. It is what it is, “until it isn’t anymore.” (Karrie Kent) To my delight he added, “and then it’s something else!” (EB)
Suffering in my experience comes from our mental state of being afraid that it will always be this way, that there is no escape; hopelessness. Animals clearly experience pain, but they do not seem to experience the mental and emotional anguish that humans do. Animals do not know there is a tomorrow. They simply live in this moment, regardless of the fact that, in this moment, they may be experiencing pain. Suffering is how our mind-body tries to make sense of the feedback in hopes of figuring out why we are doing nothing to address the source of the pain.
Think of pain as a friendly call for attention from your body telling you something is wrong. Don’t push your friend away, welcome it so it can express itself and be released. Pass no judgement. Just notice and explore the sensations with curiosity. Look at yourself in the way you would look at a sleeping child or beloved pet, with Metta (loving-kindness). Do not blame or be mad at your body for causing you to suffer. Your body is suffering too and only you can make a change.
Something someone said to me once when I was recovering from surgery from a life-threatening ruptured appendix was that I should offer up my suffering to God. By the way, this was by far the worst pain I have ever experienced and it lasted for a very long time. It brought about the worst thought I have ever thought and I still feel terrible to this day for thinking it. It was my very human instinct to survive that brought about this thought. To me, at age 14, offering up my suffering to God meant that if I suffered enough, it would somehow undue the suffering I have caused and the suffering which I was unable to take away from others. I believed that I could take in their suffering, filter it through myself, and release it back to God, and I would end the suffering. I didn’t care how much I suffered. I welcomed it! It was a feeling of attrition for my evil doings. People have since told me that this is absurd. However, to my young mind, it made perfect sense, and to this day, it is still a part of me. This type of perspective has been attributed to the Bodhisattva, a being who has devoted themselves to the liberation of all beings from suffering. Every last one.
I asked my soon-to-be ex-husband if he would go on to heaven, or nirvana or whatever, but there was still one person left suffering. Sadly, he said, “yes.” That broke my heart, but it didn’t really surprise me. I would not go on if only one being was still suffering, even the vilest being who has ever existed. I do not blame any being for acting in accordance with its nature. If such a being as the most vile existed, it would have not asked for its creation, it simply exists as do I. No one asks to be born nor can we choose the life chances we are born into. Upon the moment of our conception, we enter into a tacit agreement with our society to play by their rules or suffer the consequences. Whether I will be able to free all beings from suffering or not isn’t really the point. It is my intention to do so and the happiness I inspire in others through my writing and in my daily life that helps me work toward my goals. This is who I have chosen to be. I’m ok with that!
